The Ballad of the Buffering Bureaucrat

Brenda, Head of Strategic Synergies (a title she suspected meant 'Chief Meeting Arranger'), felt the beads of sweat forming. This was the Big One. The Zoom call with the elusive Mr. X, whose company held the key to their Q3 targets. Everything was going smoothly until it was Gary from Marketing's turn to present.

Gary appeared on screen, initially a benign pixelated blur, like a digital impressionist painting of a man. "Can everyone hear me?" he echoed, his voice arriving five seconds after his mouth moved, giving him the air of a poorly dubbed kung fu movie villain.

Mr. X, a man who looked like he ironed his soul, raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Gary, perhaps try turning off your video and back on?" Brenda suggested, her voice oozing professional calm while her internal organs screamed.

Gary vanished, then reappeared. This time, his head seemed to be detached from his body, hovering eerily against a flickering background that cycled through "tropical beach," "underwater coral," and "the surface of Mars."

"Much better!" Gary boomed, blissfully unaware that he resembled a disembodied cosmic entity attempting to sell artisanal cat sweaters. His slide, meticulously crafted, was now obscured by his flickering Martian landscape.

"Gary," Brenda tried again, "your... background... might be a *tad* distracting."

"Oh, this?" Gary chuckled, a sound like a wet sponge dragged across a blackboard. "Just trying out the new 'immersive' feature! Thought it added a bit of flair!"

Mr. X leaned closer to his screen, his skepticism evolving into profound confusion. Brenda saw their Q3 targets morphing into a pile of smoldering ash.

Just as Gary launched into the benefits of "leveraging holistic brand ecosystems" from within his swirling Martian vortex, his screen froze completely. He was captured mid-sentence, mouth agape, eyes wide, eternally screaming into the digital abyss.

A blessed silence descended. Mr. X cleared his throat. "Perhaps," he said, a glint in his eye, "we could just... email the slides?"

Brenda smiled, a brittle, strained thing. "An excellent suggestion, Mr. X. Gary has a... unique approach to presentations." She made a mental note to initiate Gary into the "email only" club, effective immediately. Or perhaps, the "early retirement" club.