The Un-Shelf-ish Act of Gerald

Gerald, a man whose DIY skills were best described as 'aspirational,' decided it's time to tackle the wobbly bookshelf. It started innocently enough. A small, almost imperceptible tilt to the left. 'Easy,' he muttered, brandishing a hammer like a gladiatorial enthusiast with an ill-fitting toga. His first swing, intended for a stray nail, missed entirely, instead striking the wall with a hollow *thwack* that dislodged a framed photograph of his Aunt Mildred. Mildred, in turn, knocked over a delicate porcelain cat. The cat, with a truly dramatic flourish, rolled off the shelf, landing squarely on the remote control, which promptly changed the TV channel to a documentary on competitive cheese rolling. Startled by the sudden appearance of a rolling Double Gloucester, Gerald jumped, bumping the shelf even harder. This time, a stack of vintage vinyl records slid off, creating a dissonant symphony of scratches as they tumbled to the floor. His dog, Bartholomew, a Basset Hound of discerning musical taste, let out a mournful howl at the desecration of Fleetwood Mac. Gerald, now panicking, tried to catch a falling potted plant, only to trip over Bartholomew, sending him sprawling into the bookshelf. The entire unit, groaning in protest, finally gave way. Books, plants, Mildred, and the porcelain cat all cascaded down in a glorious, dusty avalanche. Gerald lay amidst the rubble, a single, perfectly intact copy of 'DIY for Dummies' resting on his chest. From the television, a commentator excitedly declared, 'And there goes another wheel of cheese, careening wildly out of control!'