The Untimely Thumbtack

Arthur Pumble, a man whose relationship with danger was less a flirtation and more an international arrest warrant, dedicated his life to self-preservation. He fortified his home against asteroids, pandemics, rogue squirrels, and rogue *thoughts*. His domicile boasted seven layers of air filtration, a diet of nutrient paste synthesized from purified algae, and a full-body hazmat suit for even the most trivial excursions, such as visiting his custom-built, anti-bacterial toilet. His greatest fear wasn't death itself, but an arbitrary, senseless death – a lack of control.

One Tuesday, after meticulously sanitizing his 'safe room,' Arthur decided to test his new 'Absolute Grip' anti-slip socks on his 'Zero-Gravity' recycled rubber floor. He aimed for maximum traction, just in case. He took a confident step, assured by decades of preparation. The irony, however, had been patiently waiting its turn.

The Absolute Grip socks gripped *too* absolutely, fusing with the Zero-Gravity floor in an instant, unyielding bond. Arthur, mid-stride, found his feet irrevocably anchored. His upper body, however, propelled by years of cautious expectation, continued its forward momentum. He face-planted, not onto a hard, unforgiving surface, but onto his meticulously cleaned, triple-layered organic hemp doormat. Unbeknownst to him, this bastion of welcome contained a single, overlooked, exceedingly pointy thumbtack – a relic from a long-forgotten 'Emergency Thumbtack Deployment Kit'.

His last thought, as the world faded to black, wasn't about the asteroid he'd dodged or the plague he'd outsmarted. It was a faint, bewildered whisper: 'But... the doormat was *safe*.'