The Peculiar Demands of Steven, My Left Argyle Sock

Barry found Steven, his left argyle sock, debating the merits of existentialism with a particularly articulate dust bunny under his bed. Barry was less surprised by the talking sock and more by the dust bunny's surprisingly cogent counter-arguments. Steven, once discovering he had an audience, promptly demanded a 'small, organic, free-range, ethically sourced, artisanal cheese puff.' Barry, a man who usually ate cereal for dinner, was bewildered. This escalated. Soon, Steven was only appeased by things like 'the third eyelash from a sleeping marmoset,' or 'a single tear from a regretful garden gnome.' Barry's apartment became a hub of increasingly strange foraging expeditions. One Tuesday, Steven declared, 'I require a concept. Specifically, the feeling one gets upon successfully untangling an impossibly knotted ball of yarn, but from a perspective of a sentient teacup.' Barry stared, then gently placed Steven in the freezer, concluding that some philosophical debates were best conducted in sub-zero temperatures.